I'm a Lame, Chicken Brain. A Sim Pic...

A <3 J

I didn't mean for it to be so small >.<

But um yeah, Mia knows. I think.



So...

I don't know if I'm going to bother with this anymore.

I'm the equivalent of shit.

I guess I'll get back to this when I don't want to tear out my heart, stomp on it, and then proceed to spit on it while it's a mush for allowing me to feel all that I'm recently feeling and have felt in the past.
I mean seriously...
WHY FUCKING LEAD ME ON?!

Ugh :'(

Day 9- I Wish I Could Hate You.

A love poem. sort of.
This poem is to all of the people who I've let into my life time after time to hurt me again and again.
There were several, all wrong in their doings.
They where chapters in my life but in theirs...I was only pages.


I Wish I Could Hate You.
I never stopped caring, you did.
Cut, cleanse, rid.
You’re like a swinging door
And everything you do is according to your bore.
The case is open and shut
Not a single if, and, or but.

The pain still hasn’t stopped
But yours always triumphed or topped.
It’s always about you
And the rest is history, it’s through…
You’ve caused and helped caused me pain
But it’s okay because it’s kept you sane.

You’re so wrapped up in yourself, almost suffocating because of your own skin.
You’re fine as wine, living in sin.
I’ve kept the secrets and hid the evidence
Just so you could keep your decadence.
I’ve torn myself to pieces all for you
But it’s never enough, I fear it’s true.

You have caused a collection of scars and inflicted so much devastation and harm.
You can’t even look at me anymore…not my face, my neck, my back, my legs, or my left arm
Because you know that you could have prevented it all.
It’s all about you, standing so very proud and tall.
You caused this wreckage and walked away
But if only away you would stay…

I did this all out of love and you did it all out of greed
Each one of you needing to fulfill your need.
You don’t care about cause and effect,
Only if it is you who it will affect.
I wish I could hate you but it’s so hard after having loved you,
I’ve spoken my piece, it’s over and through.

Day 8- The Days Just Keep Slipping Away.

Birthday/Christmas List.

In 59 days, I'll be seventeen.
I want a few things, not a lot.

So for December 2nd...I'd like:

My dream tattoo.

The design might change a wee bit.
I've wanted this for five years.

I'm finally getting it, even though I may have to cross state lines to get it.
Because, I looked up the laws and in Illinois, you have to be 21, no minors even with consent.

So yeah, disappointment.

Why Obama, why?

For Christmas, 23 days the latter:



The Sims 3

Even though I've owned it once.
I lose things.

I was pissed, by the way.

The Sims 3 World Adventures

Egypt and France are two loves of mine.
I'm in love with both cultures.
When I was a kid, Cleopatra was a major study of mine and I knew a ton about her. Plus I loved the mythology.

I'm just now captivated by France, I love the language, most of the food and the land...Magnificent.

The Sims 3 Ambitions

Um... One word, TATTOOS!

Me loves tattoos. Seriously.
This is amazing.

The Sims 3 High-End Loft Stuff

I've heard that this is a bit pointless but it's always nice for your Sims to have nice clothes ;D

And the furniture looks snazzy.

The Sims 3 Fast Lane

I like cars but they're not the main reason I want this...
I love rockabilly clothing, and baby...this has it.
Oh the loveee.

The Sims 3 Late Night

Who wouldn't want this?!

Musicians, celebrities, vampires!, and the likes!!!

Plus a breast bar? Lol, adjustable boob sizes ftw!
I mean...I'm a slim-ish girl and I have huge boobs, when I did have the Sims 3, it was disappointing that you had to be fat in it to have bigger boobs.

Info on this new game found here: http://www.edenstyle.it/expansion-packs-late-night/cas-updates-late-night-preview.html

Plus my mom is talking about getting me a camera.
Whatever I do get, I'll be grateful for.

And I can't wait to get new pjs from my aunt and uncle!

Day 7- Mapping Out Like The Veins In Your Body...

A while back, I had my Junior meeting. During which, I had to get a grip on reality and decide what I want to do.

Next year I'm taking Health Occupations, where I'll get my CNA (Certified Nurse Associate) license.
Then I'm going to do one year of college to get my RNA (Registered Nurse Associate) license.
During college, I'll work as a CNA.
After college, I'll work as a RNA, trying to get published.
That's what plans I formed during the meeting.

Outside of it, I've decided...
-Not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. Call me a square if you'd like, but when you screw up and make a bad decision while you're under the influence...We'll see who made the right decision.
-That I'm going to live in a mountainous area. It's what I like. Wyoming, parts of Maine, or Michigan. I'm not for certain.
-I'm going live within my means, not outside of them like so many of my relatives. Debt is a hard thing to get out of.
-I'm not going to change who I am. I am me, for all my glory and all my faults. There's somebody out there who will look past those faults and cherish the little good things about me.
-I'm not going to be reckless like so many other young people are...Drinking, smoking, driving drunk, sleeping with a new person every week or even night...
Being young doesn't mean crazy and stupid.

But yeah.
I think it sounds good.

Day 6- I Close My Eyes and Ears, Then My Heart Starts to Speak.

Wishes that are best to come true when they come from the heart.

Thus, here's my heart-felt wishes.
The genie is only granting three.

My first wish is...
I wish I didn't feel so alone.
I feel alone even amongst friends because I...I've went through things they haven't and feel things they don't.
It's so hard anymore...
I miss when I felt safe with someone's arm around me.
And don't get me wrong, my friends are there for through thick and thin but there's stuff they don't know about because I think it'd change a lot of things.

My second wish...
I wish me and my family got along.
We have our moments where everything is okay but then there are long periods of times where I want nothing more to be across the globe from them.
And the situation with my dad...I'm so tired of it.
I'm leaving and going far away from him because I can't handle it.
He makes me feel worse than shit.
He shouldn't do or say the things he does... No father should.

My third wish...
I wish that Mia and I, as well as other people who hurt constantly, didn't have to bear through that.
I'm continuously sick. I was anorexic/bulimic and now I have a mannerism or "tick" in my brain that causes me to throw up.
On top of that, my stomach is the equivalent of a fire ball because of all the acid in my stomach.
And I have severe depression issues mixed with insomnia. So I'm exhausted all the time but I can't sleep.
This past week, I've slept so much, even missing school to sleep because everything has me down.

I hope by some magic, these wishes come true, it'd be wonderfully lovely.

Love,
Amy*Sea

Behind Again.

I fall through a lot. My bad.