Last Year's Wishes Are This Year's Apologies

The title is part of the lyrics of Fall Out Boy's "I'm Like A Lawyer in the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off.
I like it, I just thought of it when I read Mia's blog involving New Years...Which I was completely oblivious to.
Seriously, I was.
I've been too absorbed in alternate realities XD.

I'm not making any resolutions.
I'm just vowing to be "good".
I'm done being depressed and used and heartbroken.
I'm getting out of the house, opening up to more people, smiling a whole hell of a lot, and such.
Sounds good, right?

I've changed a wholeeee lot in the past year, more towards the end of it.
It feels weird.
I feel different this week, from last week.
I don't even know who I was at the start of the year.
And that's really not so bad, it's actually quite pleasant.

I like change and it seems to like me because I'm doing a whole bunch of it.

I hope to finish the books I have started this year soon.
I've be working on them quite diligently, along with playing the shit out of the Sims 3 XD Hahahaha.

Anyways,
Happy New Years (saying it now because I have no clue when I'll be on next, lawl) and be safe,
Lots of love,
Amy Sea.

By the Wayyyy =D



I have a new camera =D



I've gotten snake bites =D

I Could Get Used to This...

Recently, I've been feeling really good emotionally. I mean, really good.
Of course, this is following a very stupid and sad thing that I did to my self but now, I'm not doing it, nor do I want to. I don't even feel the need.
Things haven't been brilliant better in my life but I just have been happy. And as much as I hate to question it...I don't understand the sudden change.

Perhaps, part of me grew over night or something.

Perhaps it's the new friends I have, or knowing who my real ones are now.
I smile a whole lot easier, think more clearly, can actually laugh, and I don't let everything get me down.
Heck, I'm even getting really sick again but I'm not letting that turn me into a storm cloud.

I feel great, for once in my life.
I'm writing again.
I'm going out with friends.
I don't sleep my life away.
I'm active...I count the wii as exercise, Just Dance 2 makes you sweat...just ask my family hahaha XD
I just...feel good. =)

108 of 129 Things

Level 1
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
(X) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Kissed a member of the same sex
(X) Drank Alcohol


SO FAR: 4


Level 2
(X) Are / Been In Love
(X) Been Dumped
() Shoplifted
() Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight


SO FAR: 7




Level 3
(X) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(X) Skipped School
() Dated A Co-worker
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die


SO FAR: 10




Level 4
(X) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To England
( ) Been On A Plane


SO FAR: 11




Level 5
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(X) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit
(X) Been in a Mosh Pit


SO FAR: 14




Level 6
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel


SO FAR: 18




Level 7
(X) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Mudding
(X) Played Dress Up


SO FAR: 23



Level 8
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School


SO FAR: 28




Level 9
(X) Watched The Sun Set
(X) Felt An Earthquake
(X) Held A Snake


SO FAR: 31



Level 10
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Been Cheated On
(X) Been Misunderstood


SO FAR: 35




Level 11
(X) Won A Contest
() Been Suspended From School
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident



SO FAR: 38





Level 12
() Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night
(X) Danced In The Moonlight


SO FAR: 40




Level 13
(X) Hated The Way You Look
(X) Witnessed A Crime
(X) Pole Danced
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes


SO FAR: 45




Level 14
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
() Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(X) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying


SO FAR: 49




Level 15
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(X)Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins


SO FAR: 54




Level 16
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain



SO FAR: 58




Level 17
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire On The Beach


SO FAR: 62


Level 18
() Crashed A Party
(X) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True


SO FAR: 65


Level 19
(X) Worn Pearls
(X) Jumped Off A Bridge
() Swam With Dolphins


SO FAR: 67


Level 20
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
(X) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top


SO FAR: 71


Level 21
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
() Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
(X) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About


SO FAR: 74


Level 22
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had/Been In A Tree House
(X) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone


SO FAR: 78


Level 23
(X) Believed In Ghosts
() Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(X) Streaked
(X) Visited a Jail


SO FAR: 81



Level 24
(X) Played Chicken
(X) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(X) Broken A Bone
(X) Been Easily Amused


SO FAR: 85



Level 25
() Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
() Made A Porn Movie
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed


SO FAR: 88



Level 26
(X) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(X) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
(X) French-Braided Someone’s Hair
(X) Gone Skinny Dipping
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House


SO FAR: 95



Level 27
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
() Had A Cavity
(X) Black-Mailed Someone
(X) Been Black Mailed


SO FAR: 99

Level 28
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked by A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone


SO FAR: 104



Level 29
(X) Been Shot At/Or At Gunpoint
(X) Had Sex In The Rain
() Flattened Someones Tires
(X) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On
(X) Got $20 Or Less Worth Of Fuel


Total: 108




TOTAL - 108

Ugh. Not Cheery =/

It really hurts that I can't tell my family anything because if I do, they'll check my wrists.
I can't be held and comforted because it raises suspicion.
I can't cry because my dad will yell and my mom and sister will begin to question.
All I can do is sit alone, feeling as if I'm literally dying inside.
And hide.

So I'm, Um...Daring?

I just asked Jared out.
Jared is my crush.
And yeah....
It was through FB message because I'm chicken.

Here's what I said:

Okay.
I don't want this to make it weird for you.
But um...
Ah...
I really like you.
And if it's alright with you...I'd like to maybe go on a date or something sometime...if that's alright with you.
And I can pay for myself.
I was going to ask you in person but...ah, I'm too chicken and then I wouldn't see you for long enough to ask.
So umm....
If you reject me, it's um...cool. I'd completely understand.

Sorry >.<

 

 

 

Smooth?

Sooooo.

I posted three poems, if you want you can read them HERE.
So yeah...Notify me if the link doesn't work or you can't view them. We can work it out.

Expression is Sometimes Scary.

Today, I wrote some poems but it's not happy like I wish it was.
It's sad, it's dark, and it's depressing.
Some people don't like the depressing stuff that I write, some do.
I wish people would just see that it's me expressing myself instead of going, "Oh it's depressing...Don't be so down all the time."
I would if it were so simple.

I'm kind of scared of how dark the poems are.
It's like the stuff I wrote months ago, when I was still cutting.
I haven't done any of that though, in months, and I don't plan on allowing myself to slip back into it...
But the urges are there and I'm fighting it...Hopefully I am stronger than temptation.

I'll post more later...

AWWW.

Babies on the phone are so cute.
D'aw, made my day.

If Only He Wasn't A Clingy Manwhore Douchebag....

A boy likes me but he's all those things.
He's fairly cute but I'm not stupid enough to allow my self to be put through all that.
And he's a sex fiend.
So no, just no.

Every Time I Click the "Next Blog" Button...

It takes me to the blogs about people's kids and families.
I get sad because I wish my family was close like that and I wish I was old enough AND prepared enough to have babies.
I really want to be a mom, just between us.
But, the sad part is, I might not ever be able to bear child due to medical problems.
Ohhhh welll, I'll adopt =)

I Sure Makes Some Odd/Ugly Faces.

Cutest Kid. EVER.

Cole, my baby cousin. Beastly toddler. =)

Wishes, Flu Bugs, And The Queen of the Damned. =D

It's my seventeenth birthday today and I have the worst of the flu...
But all of the birthday wishes I've recieved today make it totally worth it.
Oh gosh, I'm still getting them!
I love Happy Birthday wishes because I'm notorious for having really bad birthdays, last year's was the worst.
But this year, the flu can't even stop me from being cheery.
I'm so damn happy.

I get my tattoo this weekend and my dad has been working on perfecting the design which is a surprise because me and my dad don't really get a long.
Dad's being nice to me today, it's kind of weird.
He's letting me on the computer even though I stayed home sick, though I usually sneak on the computer anyways :P
Teehee.

So yeah, I'm laying here, smiling at the screen like an idiot, feeling light-headed while watching The Queen of the Damned.
Life is good.
=)